So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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