you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
