Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
