i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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