We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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