So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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