Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The beer is more important than you right now.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
