you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
