you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
