I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
