1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
