Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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