nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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