i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
