Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
