you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
