I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
