i always forget guys have bellybuttons
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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