my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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