i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Green mimosas i think yes
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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