So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
