I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
