I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
