we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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