The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
