i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
