im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize