i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
