You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
