i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
The best walk of shames are on the highway
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize