Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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