I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
she woke up with a sticky ear
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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