I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
