Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
