p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize