All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
two words...techno handjob
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
