Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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