this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
