Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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