Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
third nipple confirmed
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
