those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
