So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
