Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
