if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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