3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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