idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
