This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You made out with two different species that night
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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