before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
