shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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