you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize