In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
