You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
