I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
