Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize