So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
