i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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