did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Randomize
