The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
only if we run a train.
done.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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