New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
