And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
