i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
