I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
