he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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