So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
