do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
40s are totally the cure
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
