I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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