My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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