just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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