moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
