i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
