i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
