just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
